Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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