why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
