My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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