girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
