Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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