She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
