remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
