After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You need Xanax blowdarts
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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