Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
