so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
