AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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