Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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