I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
