It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Your penis caused this!
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