apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
