I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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