i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
