you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
