Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize