Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
organizing the empties. That sober.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
