I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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