It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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