I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
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