how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
