Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
