his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
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It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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