Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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