the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
