2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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