So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
