you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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