The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
