47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
