How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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