you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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