the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
