I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
