The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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