is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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