I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
