A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
