Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
