After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just gargled with NyQuil
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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