We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
