Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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