If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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