At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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