At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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