I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
