you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
