His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
