He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
