Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
