I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
