New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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