Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
