There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
smell my finger.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
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You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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