..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
