um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
