i always forget guys have bellybuttons
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
