I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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