He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We need to get me chipped asap
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