OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
