I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
